As far as work is concerned, I’m still in resilience mode. The media scare everyone. 😱😱😱By experience (after all, I started brokering in 2008 right in the middle of the biggest financial crisis since the Great Recession), I know that the market won’t be able to go down that far, that rates won’t rise wildly because the consequences on consumers will be disastrous.

It’s not always easy working with humans, it’s always the most complicated part of my job, as I told you last month. Sometimes you try to please someone and get blamed for it elsewhere. I have the impression that employees and brokers don’t see themselves in my place as team leader. An entrepreneur has to be “on” 24 hours a day, and mistakes always fall on us, so we can’t always leave work at work and sleep soundly when an important situation changes plans. With a shortage of manpower, I’m sometimes afraid of making demands that are too high… so as not to scare off my staff.

As part of my monthly readings, I’ve started Guillaume Dulude’s book chercheur d’or, which explains human communication very well. It’s well dissected, as if he were an engineer of our communication and its repercussions. What it allowed me to do was to remind myself once again that all interpersonal and business interactions are based on mutual interest, and if you can’t find what you’re looking for, the relationship dissolves. There’s always something to be gained from our interactions, whatever they may be. The relationship falls into step with the less willing of the two. The best example would be if I want to be friends with someone and they never give any availability or they don’t give any sign that they can be in a friendly relationship with me, well, we’ll never be friends, we’ll be acquaintances because it’s the other person who imposes it.

I followed a Ki-Jong session, after an emotionally trying end to the month. I had a vision that as a child, I felt I was loved under certain conditions. It’s as if when I’m not adequate enough, people don’t love me as much. As a result, in my everyday life, I’m always on the lookout for the gaze of others, as if it were still a possibility that something like this could happen, as if I were still being tested or examined. I put enormous pressure on myself, as if after spending time with friends, for example, they could sweep me out of other people’s lives. I’m afraid people will think I’m flat, that I’m not smart enough. In love, I quickly turn my back on the slightest thing that tires me out in the other person, just as it was done to me as a child. I know it’s avoidance.

And still in love, as I said earlier, I find it hard not to be in all-or-nothing mode. I need to work on that. I may also idealize being in a couple, as it’s my deepest desire, but I have to find out what’s acceptable or not, what makes me happy or not, do I always have to question myself and question the couple. Is this normal?

For those of you closely following my adventures with my prince, I saw that he’d taken up with a blonde. Although I was curious to find out who she is, I didn’t have the emotional outburst I might have expected. I’m glad that time has taken its toll on my heart. I’m happy to have moved on. And from the looks of it, they make a much better couple than I could have made with him. So good luck to you. 🍀

Also, I feel like my hormones are playing tricks on me. There was Véronique Cloutier’s documentary Lotto Meno, which was a really great series of vignettes on the subject. When we look at premenopause, we understand even better the symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain and the famous night sweats. I think all women aged 35 and over should be on the lookout and get a follow-up if they have any doubts.

On the parenting side, I experienced a situation that will surely speak to separated parents. In my worst week of the month, my son was extremely tired and wanted to go and sleep at his father’s. He cried a lot. Since I had also cried that day, I had a hard time dealing with the situation. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, but this time I really felt sorry for her. If I’d cried in front of him, he’d have cried even more, but I was heartbroken even though in hindsight I understand that a child doesn’t do that to cause pain. Let’s just say I was glad the month was over!!!!

So here I am, in resilience mode for everything! Let’s go! We don’t give up. I’m back from the Eastern Townships after a well-deserved two days. See you soon.